THE DAILY EDITION.

Grandma's oven will continue to blink 12:00, regardless.

It will remain 1953 in the Trump administration.

Next thing they're going to do is cancel time zones, because people are to dumb to understand. When it's 6 o'clock, it's 6 o'clock everywhere!

Next thing they're going to do is cancel time zones, because people are to dumb to understand. When it's 6 o'clock, it's 6 o'clock everywhere!

DST will now be know as Daylight Superior Time -- getting America off "standard" time permanently is a significant step in making the country great again.

For those of us who use the time change to switch from long johns to regular underwear it's really going to screw things up.

The groundhog is now the only American legally required to acknowledge the seasons.

Lawmakers called it a historic bipartisan achievement, which is accurate, because the bill’s only requirement is that everyone does nothing in November.

America tried permanent daylight saving in 1974 and repealed it in ten months — the last time Congress admitted a mistake that fast.

The bill eliminates the extra hour Americans gained every November, which was traditionally spent lying awake doing math about what time it really is.

It's the first time Congress has agreed to move something forward.

Those voting for the bill were all 65 and older, and cited difficulty in programming their VCRs in their support.

The side effects of my new prescription.

Roses are red, violets are blue, building something is awesome, and so are you.

An email from my boss. Can’t decide if it’s hostile or not

Nobody reads these days.

Oh Peanuts comics. Love peanut comics

my bank statements